How My Dead Phone Saved Me From A Neoliberal Heaven

 Saturday, I woke up to the rare sight of sunlight spilling over the magnificent Porte de Hal, and for some reason, it made me want to buy new bed sheets. Not just any bed sheets—the kind that make you feel like you finally have your life together. Which meant one thing: the full Ikea adventure. Leaving the house around 11:30, getting there just in time for lunch, and indulging in that strangely satisfying, overly affordable pretended—Swedish meal. I hadn’t done it in years—probably not since I first moved to Lille. I heard they’d expanded their vegetarian options, which somehow made the whole trip feel like an event. The plan was simple: in and out, back home by 3, and still have the rest of the afternoon to wander through some galleries, maybe sit in a café with a book I’d pretend to read.
 

But there was also the metro ride—the part I was oddly looking forward to. 45 minutes of solitude, of watching the city change through the window—it’s only tunnels— of listening to the kind of music that makes you feel like you have control on your mood swings. There’s a particular kind of satisfaction in doing things alone, in proving to yourself that you can. That you don’t need company to turn a mundane errand into a full-fledged neoliberal classic 21th century human experience. I don’t do it nearly as much as I used to.
 

Then reality kicked in. I got out of bed, had two coffees, a clementine and a banana, and a cigarette. I looked at the sun, exhaled dramatically, and checked my phone—only to realize it was dead.
Suddenly, the entire plan collapsed. Because really, who willingly endures a 45-minute metro ride without music, podcasts, or some kind of distraction? The whole thing suddenly felt impossible, like attempting a road trip with no car.
 

So I gave up.
 

Instead, I cooked something, let the day decide its own course.
 

Later, a friend called. She was placing an Ikea order for some kitchen stuff and asked if I needed anything. It felt like fate. We combined orders, split the delivery fee, and there it was, I got what I wanted—without ever leaving the house.
 

New bed sheets are officially on their way.

xx 

Louis 

fig1.  Innovation